Women and Sex Addiction

Women Suffer From Sex Addiction Too!By Robert Mittiga

Mandy always felt different. Much like her childhood friends, men would be pleased and amazed by her sexual desires, but they would quickly leave her, physically or emotionally. Mandy blamed the men. They simply couldn't handle her unquenchable desires. They couldn't keep up with her. They used her. She also blamed herself. If she just kept trying harder to intrigue and please men sexually, she thought, eventually she would find the right mate-one as "sexually mature" as herself.

After finding that mate, her fantasy life with her husband soon crumbled into terror at his rage and his physical brutality toward her. Her depression, suicidal plans, and an uncharacteristic lack of sexual desire began to overshadow her life.

In therapy, she talked about her perfect family-perfect, except for her. She divulged that when she was 5 years old and asked her father where babies come from, he gave her a detailed description of sex. She talked of hearing her parents' arguments about sex and infidelity. She talked of her mother's rages and physical abuse. While she couldn't remember any overt sexual abuse, she did remember "playing this game with an older girl." It soon became obvious that Mandy was talking about having been molested by a 12-year-old girl. She blamed her 6-year-old self. The concept of being molested was unfathomable to her. She recalled the sex play as an enjoyable, exciting, naughty experience, and, therefore, her own fault. To add to her shame, she repeated the scenario with her friends to show them what she had learned.
So began a self-image that fueled her sexual compulsivity into her 30s. Like many other sexually addicted women, Mandy had sought professional help before. Her sexual compulsivity was never addressed. Some counsellors didn't even believe her sexual acting out stories.

Sexual addiction is commonly overlooked in clinical assessments of women. History seems to be repeating itself-society once believed women could not be alcoholics. Both men and women in our culture are taught that women are nurturers who specialize in loving, but are not as interested in sex as are men. For this reason, a woman's sexual behaviors often become victim- based as she learns to fulfill her sexual needs through demure, coy, or subtle seduction. Women tend to influence others in these indirect ways.

The same socialization and expectation add to the extraordinary shame involved for a woman to admit to being "sex addicted" or even "sex-and-love addicted." The idea of being "love addicted" is preferred by most sex-addicted women because it fits into the romantic, victim-based nurturer model of women. The term "sex addict," however, connotes an image of a "hussy, nymphomaniac, slut, or whore." The "love" to which these women say they are addicted is really an addiction to feeling overwhelmed by emotions such as yearning, or the "high" of romance-it has little to do with love. For the purposes of this article, the term "sex addict" refers to both sex addiction and sex-and-love addiction.

If you or someone you love is in the grips of sex or sex and love addiction, reach out, there is appropriate help TODAY!

Robert Mittiga (CAS)Program DirectorGATS Counselling & Treatment Services ( THE GATS Program) 08 8223 4555 http://www.gatscounselling.com/
Robert Mittiga is an Addiction / Codependency Specialist and The Program Director of GATS Counselling & Treatment Services in Australia. A cutting edge wholistic addiction treatment program/rehab.

Primary care at GATS.... Is personalized to treat each individual using programs that integrate MIND, BODY and SOUL. GATS' programs are enhanced by highly effective group therapy processes as well as individual therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.
ALL clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced GATS therapist as well as the GATS medical officer. Clients may also be referred to psychiatric assessment if needed.

GATS' programs combine several effective therapeutic approaches including psychodynamic, experiential, grief & loss, trauma, family of origin and shame reduction work. GATS programs also include spiritual components in the overall treatment process.
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